A Bad Weekend Created the Restart Button

Current mood: Extremely irritated.

And I don't even know why, ya'll…

Actually, I do. But first, let me put into words my mood. You know that time (usually a day or maybe just a night) right before you start your nightmarish monthly thing? You are so freaking irritated at life & with everyone/everything in it (Yes, I'm talking about even the inanimate objects in your life) that you could legitly stab a cuddly kitten for being so damn cute. *Grabs my fork to dare a b*tch* That's how I feel…& fyi, it's nowhere near my nightmarish week AND it's a Saturday. Like WTF is going on…?

In my defense, I have a list of reasons why I'm irritable to the brink of losing my sanity. Not a good one, but a list none-the-less….

……

Okay, so this is a post I started Saturday. Like, last Saturday. I currently have three other "draft posts" saved as work-in-progresses, excluding this one which has now (hopefully) turned into an actual, real life, "bonified" post. This one I just got tired & really just couldn't put into words the reasons that would accurately express my bitterness that night. The others are more on serious matters so they have legit reasons for being drafts. I started this particular post in a bitter mood (if it wasn't noticeable already). It was actually a little longer as I started listing the reasons of why I was bitter. The top one was single parent potty training my daughter, Taterbug. It was a nightmare. It still is when she has "accidents", but nothing like it was that day. Add into that mix that my best friend whom I ain't seen in forever asked me out on a date night, girl version. She never does that anymore, guys. None of my other friends do either. It's an unspoken rule that all of my friends, including her, have long established that B.J. will either:

• A) Not want to go out because she is too dirty/lazy/tired from spending all day with her kids. 
• B) Not want to because she planned something else for the kids and herself already.
• or C) Not have a babysitter available on hand, so she will be unable to go out.

Therefore, they just stopped asking me after the bajillion-th " Sorry, I couldn't find a babysitter. Next time though." I understand, really, I do. I don't blame you. That's the age old knowledge of the situations known as "the friend who has kids now". I've learned to accept it with open arms. Legitly, I am physically unable to stay out until 4 A.M. from going out and drinking all night to coming home and waking up at 6 A.M. with my eldest child. My 4 year old has that demonic internal alarm clock that sends out a shot of adrenaline through his veins exactly at 6. Sometimes the clock breaks & send it out as early as 5 A.M. I tried doing the adult outing like twice thinking I could make do & that nap time would be my life savior. Nope. Never again. I learned quickly it's better to say No unless you have the babysitter for a 24 hour window.

I realize now why I was bitter. I needed that adult night out & because she had asked, I had it set in my mind that it had to be that night or something. Maybe her asking just set my mind into overdrive towards the "ugly cry" meltdown I had that night after I was kneeling down cleaning up the pee from where my daughter peed in her pants for the fifth time that day. I don't know. You know what though? I got over it. The weekend was rough for me. Emotional even. I guess that happens a lot for some (if not all) single parents. I guess you are bound to have a break down here & there when you're going at the whole parenthood thing completely alone in life, especially when you had expected & anticipated for a long time to do it with the person that created this little being with you. But hey-when life's unfortunate series of events throws you a curveball, you just adjust your swing. Regardless, when your knee lands in a puddle of wetness that you missed while cleaning up the pee that had just came from this little being, bad thoughts are going to cross your mind & filter out through your mouth about how this shit was not what you expected. How life's not fair. How the other guy gets off easy & IS probably getting to go out with their friend tonight.

It was still rough going into the week, but it wasn't as bad. Babies were born everywhere (always makes me feel better & worse at the same time #BabyBlues). We It all of a sudden snapped into place one day for Taterbug to just go to the potty. She's had accidents since, but it doesn't sound like I'm murdering my child when I tell her she needs to go to the potty anymore. She also had a cousin born on Tuesday, so we got to go see the precious angel & I got a good dose of oh-so-bad baby blues.

Wednesday came & two things happened.

1. I went to the gym for the first time in a long time. It felt good. I signed up to run a half marathon in March & so that was a good motivator to get back at the grind. Bubba's Diddy had off that day, so he offered to watch Taterbug while Bubba was at school so I could hit the gym up. I found this Half Marathon training schedule online that I was going to give a try. I hit my Nannie up & she volunteered to be my gym buddy. We hit the gym up for a little over an hour then grabbed some lunch at Farm Garden inside the mall that my gym is at. Best. Pita Pocket Sandwiches. Ever. The only thing that bummed me out a tad was that I couldn't finish the 5 miles of Walk Run Walk that was on the training schedule. I swear the treadmill mile is twice as long as a regular mile. I did 4 out of 5 though, so I count that as a semi-win for first day back. The "day after" legs about killed me though.
2. I got my adult night out with Bubba's Diddy & one of his coworkers while my Nannie (Bless her !) watched the chil'ren. I went home, changed out of sweat-tastic clothes, freshened up, put on makeup (once a year event), got all sexy-like, & we dropped the kids off at Nannies around 5 P.M. We (Bubba's Diddy & I) hit up Big Licks with his co-worker. Apparently our waitress was Aaron's (Bubba's Diddy) friend's girlfriend I tried both the peach & the grape margarita. I prefer the peach, but both were hitting the spot. The live music was awesome. The alligator bites are to die for. #FatKidStatus My meal was delicious. His coworker was hilarious. That restaurant totally has my stamp of approval & I can only hope I get the same waitress next time I go. We picked the kids up around 9 & had them in bed by 9:30.

My bathroom sink actually looks like a real adult female lives in this house.
Usually men products outnumber women products. #MensStuffWorksBetter #GoneGirlie

Ever since then, I have been fine. It was like that one day was all I really needed. I didn't need to get wasted. I didn't even need that much time away from home or being completely kid-free. If I could afford the gyms that offers childcare, I totes would've taken Taterbug with me. It was just going to the gym to push all that negative out in energy that I needed. I used to do that on an everyday basis. I'm hoping I'll get back to that point. Regardless, that was just one day with two instances that I got to do something I thoroughly enjoyed & where I focused on me for a second. It's like, a reset button. Or the restart button on your phone that shuts it down then reboots it in hopes that it'll work more efficiently. Or whatev. It was great. Glorious even. I feel like every parent needs that "reset" day, at a minimum of once every three months. I mean, I commend the people who hate to leave their child's side for even one second…but come on, man. Don't you like that night where your husband (or your best friend who happens to be your son's father, but isn't your boyfriend by any means) takes you out to dinner without the kids just to eat and be merry???

P.S. I haven't been back to the gym yet since then. I was totally going to start an every day regimen with going again yesterday, but that didn't happen. Not because I didn't have the chance to, but because I just wanted to stay home with my daughter & have a lazy day of watching cartoons & cuddling. (Confession: That other workout whipped my ass too, no lie. Everything from the waist down hurt something fierce yesterday.) I probably won't go today either simply because I wish to stay in the warm house & cuddle with the mini army that I created. Tomorrow, it'll be a definite though. #HalfMarathonTraining #AKAImGoingToDie