A Bad Weekend Created the Restart Button

Current mood: Extremely irritated.

And I don't even know why, ya'll…

Actually, I do. But first, let me put into words my mood. You know that time (usually a day or maybe just a night) right before you start your nightmarish monthly thing? You are so freaking irritated at life & with everyone/everything in it (Yes, I'm talking about even the inanimate objects in your life) that you could legitly stab a cuddly kitten for being so damn cute. *Grabs my fork to dare a b*tch* That's how I feel…& fyi, it's nowhere near my nightmarish week AND it's a Saturday. Like WTF is going on…?

In my defense, I have a list of reasons why I'm irritable to the brink of losing my sanity. Not a good one, but a list none-the-less….

……

Okay, so this is a post I started Saturday. Like, last Saturday. I currently have three other "draft posts" saved as work-in-progresses, excluding this one which has now (hopefully) turned into an actual, real life, "bonified" post. This one I just got tired & really just couldn't put into words the reasons that would accurately express my bitterness that night. The others are more on serious matters so they have legit reasons for being drafts. I started this particular post in a bitter mood (if it wasn't noticeable already). It was actually a little longer as I started listing the reasons of why I was bitter. The top one was single parent potty training my daughter, Taterbug. It was a nightmare. It still is when she has "accidents", but nothing like it was that day. Add into that mix that my best friend whom I ain't seen in forever asked me out on a date night, girl version. She never does that anymore, guys. None of my other friends do either. It's an unspoken rule that all of my friends, including her, have long established that B.J. will either:

• A) Not want to go out because she is too dirty/lazy/tired from spending all day with her kids. 
• B) Not want to because she planned something else for the kids and herself already.
• or C) Not have a babysitter available on hand, so she will be unable to go out.

Therefore, they just stopped asking me after the bajillion-th " Sorry, I couldn't find a babysitter. Next time though." I understand, really, I do. I don't blame you. That's the age old knowledge of the situations known as "the friend who has kids now". I've learned to accept it with open arms. Legitly, I am physically unable to stay out until 4 A.M. from going out and drinking all night to coming home and waking up at 6 A.M. with my eldest child. My 4 year old has that demonic internal alarm clock that sends out a shot of adrenaline through his veins exactly at 6. Sometimes the clock breaks & send it out as early as 5 A.M. I tried doing the adult outing like twice thinking I could make do & that nap time would be my life savior. Nope. Never again. I learned quickly it's better to say No unless you have the babysitter for a 24 hour window.

I realize now why I was bitter. I needed that adult night out & because she had asked, I had it set in my mind that it had to be that night or something. Maybe her asking just set my mind into overdrive towards the "ugly cry" meltdown I had that night after I was kneeling down cleaning up the pee from where my daughter peed in her pants for the fifth time that day. I don't know. You know what though? I got over it. The weekend was rough for me. Emotional even. I guess that happens a lot for some (if not all) single parents. I guess you are bound to have a break down here & there when you're going at the whole parenthood thing completely alone in life, especially when you had expected & anticipated for a long time to do it with the person that created this little being with you. But hey-when life's unfortunate series of events throws you a curveball, you just adjust your swing. Regardless, when your knee lands in a puddle of wetness that you missed while cleaning up the pee that had just came from this little being, bad thoughts are going to cross your mind & filter out through your mouth about how this shit was not what you expected. How life's not fair. How the other guy gets off easy & IS probably getting to go out with their friend tonight.

It was still rough going into the week, but it wasn't as bad. Babies were born everywhere (always makes me feel better & worse at the same time #BabyBlues). We It all of a sudden snapped into place one day for Taterbug to just go to the potty. She's had accidents since, but it doesn't sound like I'm murdering my child when I tell her she needs to go to the potty anymore. She also had a cousin born on Tuesday, so we got to go see the precious angel & I got a good dose of oh-so-bad baby blues.

Wednesday came & two things happened.

1. I went to the gym for the first time in a long time. It felt good. I signed up to run a half marathon in March & so that was a good motivator to get back at the grind. Bubba's Diddy had off that day, so he offered to watch Taterbug while Bubba was at school so I could hit the gym up. I found this Half Marathon training schedule online that I was going to give a try. I hit my Nannie up & she volunteered to be my gym buddy. We hit the gym up for a little over an hour then grabbed some lunch at Farm Garden inside the mall that my gym is at. Best. Pita Pocket Sandwiches. Ever. The only thing that bummed me out a tad was that I couldn't finish the 5 miles of Walk Run Walk that was on the training schedule. I swear the treadmill mile is twice as long as a regular mile. I did 4 out of 5 though, so I count that as a semi-win for first day back. The "day after" legs about killed me though.
2. I got my adult night out with Bubba's Diddy & one of his coworkers while my Nannie (Bless her !) watched the chil'ren. I went home, changed out of sweat-tastic clothes, freshened up, put on makeup (once a year event), got all sexy-like, & we dropped the kids off at Nannies around 5 P.M. We (Bubba's Diddy & I) hit up Big Licks with his co-worker. Apparently our waitress was Aaron's (Bubba's Diddy) friend's girlfriend I tried both the peach & the grape margarita. I prefer the peach, but both were hitting the spot. The live music was awesome. The alligator bites are to die for. #FatKidStatus My meal was delicious. His coworker was hilarious. That restaurant totally has my stamp of approval & I can only hope I get the same waitress next time I go. We picked the kids up around 9 & had them in bed by 9:30.

My bathroom sink actually looks like a real adult female lives in this house.
Usually men products outnumber women products. #MensStuffWorksBetter #GoneGirlie

Ever since then, I have been fine. It was like that one day was all I really needed. I didn't need to get wasted. I didn't even need that much time away from home or being completely kid-free. If I could afford the gyms that offers childcare, I totes would've taken Taterbug with me. It was just going to the gym to push all that negative out in energy that I needed. I used to do that on an everyday basis. I'm hoping I'll get back to that point. Regardless, that was just one day with two instances that I got to do something I thoroughly enjoyed & where I focused on me for a second. It's like, a reset button. Or the restart button on your phone that shuts it down then reboots it in hopes that it'll work more efficiently. Or whatev. It was great. Glorious even. I feel like every parent needs that "reset" day, at a minimum of once every three months. I mean, I commend the people who hate to leave their child's side for even one second…but come on, man. Don't you like that night where your husband (or your best friend who happens to be your son's father, but isn't your boyfriend by any means) takes you out to dinner without the kids just to eat and be merry???

P.S. I haven't been back to the gym yet since then. I was totally going to start an every day regimen with going again yesterday, but that didn't happen. Not because I didn't have the chance to, but because I just wanted to stay home with my daughter & have a lazy day of watching cartoons & cuddling. (Confession: That other workout whipped my ass too, no lie. Everything from the waist down hurt something fierce yesterday.) I probably won't go today either simply because I wish to stay in the warm house & cuddle with the mini army that I created. Tomorrow, it'll be a definite though. #HalfMarathonTraining #AKAImGoingToDie

Happily Letting Go of 2014

So, what stereotypical " New year, new me" thing can I start this off with?…

I'm ready to let 2014 go. It treated me pretty shitty & threw a lot of emotional curveballs that I really wasn't ready for…& I still ain't. I'm still trying to process them & it's taking a lot out of me. But before I get into all of the seriousness of my emotional & physical states of distress & how I plan to takeover the world in 2015...

How about this?

Doesn't she look thrilled about the new year? Bahaha.
#SoftKittyWarmKitty #LittleBallOfFur

Get Your Shit Together Kohl's

    The days after Christmas consisted up until NYE was mostly a bunch of playing with the new toys, reading (for me), & relaxation. We did go out the day after Christmas to do some returning, exchanging,  & shopping for extremely discounted Christmas decorations. Yes, I'm crazy. I have embraced my lack of sanity. Bahaha. I realize that going out the following days after Christmas is a extremely stupid idea & is known as a general rule worldwide, but in all honestly it really wasn't that bad. We went to all of three store and all of them were right on the edges of good ole Libertyville Lynchburg, so there was no need for us to travel down the road to hell, aka Wards Road. I will say, however, that Kohl's was horrific. Of course, this has always been my opinion since I worked there a little while after the store opened in Lynchburg…so I really wasn't expecting much to begin with. That mess of a store & lack of proper management was too much for my OCD to handle on a daily basis. It hasn't improved since & it's been years now. I couldn't find anything I was looking for (which is normal for there) & the lines were ridiculous (which was worse than when I worked there). This being said, I worked a Black Friday at this store. I know how bad lines can get. Let me tell you now that these lines were legitly 3 times worse than the lines I had on Black Friday. Come on, Kohls. Get your shit together.

Celebrating The New Year With Sick Babies

    New Year's Eve was relatively the same thing. I spent the entire day at home with my family. Surprisingly, my Diddy even stayed with us all day too. That's a rare commodity when he stays still & participates in the action known as "being lazy". That night after we laid the kids down for bed, my son's Diddy came over & went with me across the road to the neighbor's house to bring the New Year in with them. (Diddy spent the night at my house to watch the kids for me.) We ate good things, drank a little (Seriously, I had two beers. I didn't feel like dealing with the hangover at 6-something a.m. when Bubba woke up), & just had an overall great time with my new friends/neighbors. It was great. At around 1 a.m., I walked home (across the road…there's nothing better than not having to drink & drive when you can walk home. Bahaha.). Later that night/morning, my daughter woke up crying. Later when I woke her up to get her ready for her father to come get her (not because I wanted him to, trust me), she was shaking, crying, burning up, sweating, & wouldn't eat. Tylenol was dispensed & cuddling commenced until he came. I found out later that "family pictures" were taken that day…an outside shoot. It was not t-shirt kind of weather either. Exactly what you need to do with a sick baby. Who said sick kids need medicine & rest? Next time when she's sick & he's in town, she's just staying with me. #IdiotsEverywhere

Sick baby #1

 Then this kid started laying around everywhere & wanting to cuddle. My son doesn't lay around whatsoever…& he doesn't sit still long enough to cuddle. He's is legitly a ball of energy from the time he gets up (usually between 5 to 7 in the a.m.) to the time he goes to sleep. So when both happen, we automatically know he's sick without having to even check his temperature. Another sign he's sick: if he sleeps past 7 in the morning. It didn't hit him until after Taterbug left, so that didn't apply here.

Sick baby #2

Two sick babies on New Years…I'm pretty sure that's probably a bad omen of some sort for 2015. Oh well. It couldn't be any worse than what 2014 was. Knock on wood…

*knock, knock, knock* "Penny." *knock, knock, knock* "Penny." *knock, knock, knock* "Penny."

But Seriously, The Philosophical Shit

But seriously I'm so done with 2014, I can't even. *stereotypical white girl voice* Don't get me wrong. Good things have happened in 2014. 

Pros:

• My kids grew a year older. 
• I finally (only took a total of seven years) graduated from college with my Bachelors. 
• My kids & I got our first home together. 

But in reality, the good didn't really outweigh the bad.

Cons:

• My Grandpa started a fast decent in health that led to his passing in September.
• I got my first job only to realize how horribly the mentally & physically disabled are treated by the employees there. So I quit…& haven't been able to find a job since.
• I gave finding love a chance only to be reaffirmed that men are assholes & aren't worth the pain.
• I lost something very precious to me that I will never be able to get back. I'm reminded of it everyday & it hurts in every imaginable way possible.

I can definitely say out of all of this, I have learned some very harsh but valuable lessons from 2014 that have been emblazoned in my brain for all of time. Other than that, you can not imagine how grateful I am that 2014 is gone. As for 2015, I'm hoping for anything other than a 2014 repeat. I mean, other than the sick babies, it's already starting to promise good things. My sister is coming into town in 14 days to visit, which is just the beginning of many more throughout the year. I'm planning on running *another* half marathon in March. Shoot me now, but my friend who I do these kind of things with is too convincing. At least I have an incentive to start getting my fat ass back into the gym. At one point I was going almost every day. I kept it up for three months. I'm hoping to beat that record. Plus the half marathon is at the beach on St. Patrick's Day weekend & it promises free beer at the end, so it can only be but so bad. At the very least, I'll be celebrating St. Patty's Day weekend at the beach. On a completely unrelated note, who wants to be my on-call "bail money" person if I ever happen to get arrested in the entire course of my life? Any takers???

I've put in A LOT of applications to jobs through the hospital, specifically to the child treatment center & psychiatric unit I interned at…so I'm hoping one of them comes through for me soon. I mean, I got offered a job at the psychiatric unit when I was interning there & couldn't accept it because I still had a Spanish class left to complete in the Summer for my degree to be complete. I feel like I have some sort of shot at getting offered some kind of position through them if that happened once, right??? *Positive vibes* If not, I'll keep searching. No biggie. I plan on embracing life a little more this year. I plan on more trips for my family & me, more pictures, more random rides to the playground, more physical activity from myself, paying of a large portion of my debt, etc. I'm not setting any specific resolutions because I feel like it's too demanding & if you don't reach it precisely the way you want, you just feel too defeated. Instead, these are just general ideas…concepts, even. I'll work on them a little each month & see if any progress has commenced by the end of the year. If I've gained any progress whatsoever in the right direction of these concepts, well then I've done what I set out to do.

" You don't have to be better than anyone else, just be better than you were the day before."

A Gigantic Dollhouse & Fat for Christmas

Another New Year's post…#SoCliché #DealWithIt #NotReallyJustKidding #TomorrowsBlogPost

Today, a Christmas recap… #FashionablyLate

I attempted my own "Christmas pictures" since we didn't have time to get professional ones done.
I figured if I got just one good one in front of a tree, we could go later to get more done elsewhere.
This was the best shot I got of both of them.
#EpicFail

These didn't turn out too bad though.

First present of the year unwrapped. Of course she had to "help" him. Smh.

She got cowgirl boots…& didn't take them off the rest of the day. He made it to gift #3 then lost interest in unwrapping because, obviously, there was a dire need to play with that one & that one only.

Taterbug also got this from her Papa…a dollhouse that is freakishly huge. It takes up one whole wall in her room. It's so tall she can't reach the attic/baby room. (Side note: Why the hell would you put the baby room in the attic? Most neglectful parent dolls of the year award goes to the dolls who used to inhabit this dollhouse) Like wth…I move to a new house for more room & they just buy bigger toys. I can't win for anything.

I'm around 5'4" to 5'5". I'm sure you can guesstimate how big this nightmare beautiful dollhouse is.

After all was done at home, we arrived at my (our) Nannie's around 11 a.m. That's normally a whole lot later than usual, but we were just too busy with the oh-so-many toys this morning to worried about getting dressed or arriving early. Someone somewhere was watching out for me somewhere though 'cause there was still oyster soup left! Hallelujer, praise de lort!

Present unwrapping commenced as soon as my dramatic & always late sister finally showed up with my nieces.

This girl was more excited about opening presents than she was about actually getting them. She got done with all of hers, then went around asking to unwrap other people's presents…just because.

 Bahahaha! #Twinsies That's my Bubba & his father in the plaid lumberjack looking shirts. Before you asked, it was planned…all by me. Bubba had that shirt already & I got his father the shirt as a Christmas present. Coincidentally, they were #twinsies the day before too…both were wearing batman t-shirts. I couldn't stop laughing. I also couldn't get enough of the red bow on Bubba's head. It was too much.

My three nieces, my uncle, & my aunt-in-law.

 After presents, we ate like we hadn't in months okay, only a month 'cause I went food-binge crazy at Thanksgiving). I packed as much food into containers afterwards to take home for later. We left around 2-3 P.M. to head over to our Grannie's. I legitly dropped all the food off by my house & went to her house basically to eat some more…& packed some more plates full of food for later. No lie, I ate off of Christmas food for the next 3-4 days. #LikeTheFatKidIAm

And then…the kids played with their toys.

What did I get for Christmas, you ask? Well...

This is no lie. I plan on explaining this in more detail in a post later this week.
#LikeTheFatKidIAm

From my son's father…the whole series (with the exception of the last season, but it has slots for the last season's DVDs). Gaahhhhhhh! <3 This tied for 1st on Favorite Christmas Present of 2014.

This was my 2nd 1st place on Favorite Christmas Present of 2014. It smells like straight up sexy man…
my bff from way back since I can remember gave it to me. She knew it would kick my hormones into overdrive.
#DoesSomethingToMeFierce #MessingWithMyHormones 

This was the rest of my gift from her.
Can anybody tell what one of my favorite things in the world are?
Anyone?
Does anyone see the theme here?
Huh, huh…?
#SheGetsMe

I also got mucho coffee for my new Kuerig (gift to myself), Christmas knick-knacks for mi case nuevo, a lamp, a ChiAir hair straightener, another Jodi Picoult book, & a few other things here & there. I genuinely liked & was thankful for every single thing that I got. I would've felt exactly the same if I would've gotten nothing…or a wrench (the equivalent of something I would have no use for). 

I mean, isn't that the point? 

I was able to spend Christmas with all of my family, extended family, & friends. 

I was able to sit down & have a meal with them. 

To make memories.

To live through another Christmas, another year.

To spend the whole day with my children.

To see them happy & healthy.

Not everyone can say that.

Some people aren't afforded those luxuries.

Some people are & can, but just choose not to.

I'm just thankful that I am & that I do.

Hope your Christmas 2014 was a good one!

Tomorrow's agenda: Happily Letting Go of 2014