And You Are…?

Hi…I'm Billie Jean. No, I was not named after the Michael Jackson song…or Billie Jean King. Yes, I get BOTH all the time. *insert eye roll here* Now that we've moved past the formalities of that, I'm technically B.J. Been going by my initials my whole life & they have seemed to be treating me well thus far. I'm old enough to know better, & young enough not to care to care much more than most people my age these days. I worry all the time, like panic attacks & my nerves actually making me get ill kind of worry. Those are the more extreme cases though. Most of the time, I just worry about the important thing to me: FAMILY. Usually any stress I have has to do with that category. Love 'em to death…well, most of 'em. My family is…complicated…to say the least. I'm sure you'll get a glimpse of more as time goes by though.

I JUST finished college with my Bachelor's degree in Social Work (only took 7 years for a 4 year program, but who's counting)…yes, I'm one of those " I want to help make a difference"people. There will probably be a few posts for my love of Social Work. Sue me. Currently, I'm a stay at home Mama of two, but hopefully it will change soon 'cause Mama needs to pay the bills. My Diddy (God bless him) is helping me out until I get on my feet, but he can only do so much. Those $45,000 in school loans (along with a house payment, light bill, phone, etc.) aren't going to pay themselves. P.S. Just for the record, I switched majors mid-way AND got pregnant…twice…during college. Not wise moves if you don't want to be paying back a small house's worth of student loan for the rest of your ever-given life.

I'm a lover of many things…like legitly, I like a ton of things. My love is random & eclectic. I love almost every genre of music…even a song or two out of the genres I typically don't care for. I have an addiction to shoes…especially boots (Yes, the "White-Girl-I-Can't-Even-Wear-Them-With-Leggings" kind). I love owls, skulls, rustic home furnishings, brights colors, Fall decor, real camouflage, reading books, coffee, antiques, old-timey things, etc. Yes, this list could go on forever. For the record, it probably will on a separate page on my blog. Be forewarned.

I live in the middle of nowhere important, U.S.A. LITERALLY. I live in the middle of nowhere & most of my friends (even the ones who I grew up with & live in surrounding areas) say I live in the middle of nowhere because it's classified by "too far to drive out in order to visit you the sticks". I will tell you this: I'm a Virginian. Always have been & there's a good chance I always will be. I lived in Pennsylvania for all of like one year tops when I was thirteen-ish…& I can't tell you a thing about that entire year except it was cold, there was a lot of snow, I'm pretty sure it was some alternate universe, & I was miserable. Apparently my brain blocked everything from that year out of my memory because I was traumatized by above mentioned things I could remember. I legitly have PTSD every time I visit my sister who lives there. Now I live in a small poe-dunk town that you can drive through without even knowing it. We have all of one post-office, a gas station, a fire department, & a Family Dollar (built all of a year ago & I'm still trying to get over my negative feelings for it ruining our charming country feel). Not even one stop light. I grew up & graduated in the neighboring small town.
That one only had one stop light in it when I was growing up.

The "original" stoplight that I grew up with during childhood.

Since then, it has increased to three. Impressive, right? I know, just contain your excitement. The largest city location my town has near it is Liberty City Lynchburg, home of nothing but Liberty, Liberty-owned properties, & properties that Liberty hasn't gotten ahold of yet. Keyword: YET. Add a few 30 or so hotels & cram a crap-load of restaurants and department stores all on one road &…BAM!!! You have Lynchburg.

So now that you have a glimpse of who I am, the big question here is WHY?

Well, because I need a new direction with my life in more ways than one. I'm at that point where someone wonders, " Is this it? Is this really all you're ever going to amount to?"I mean, I'm not going to lie. I have a pretty good life so far & I've been blessed with a lot that most people could only dream of…but I'm also not happy where I am. Trust me, it's not JUST one of those philosophical thoughts that you get when you are trying to find the next step in life or even the ones that you get when 40 year olds go through the "mid-life crisis" & buy Harleys & junk like that. I'm not happy with a large majority of stuff in my life. I feel like I'm just going through the motions at this point in what I need to do just to get by & it's seriously disappointing. Of course there are more reasons how I got here other than I just woke up one day here, but I figured out I need to start somewhere so…here I am. I intend on doing a lot of things different from here on & I figured I'd put it into a blog. Don't get me wrong. This, by no means, is going to be used for just whining & not actually DOING something to change these things. Personally, it's just a record to show me where I was, the progress made thus far, and where I'm going. I am aware they have journals for this kind of crap…but I'm the dictionary definition of left-handed with all the stereotypes added on: I'm a slow writer, even slower reader, I like my things neat, and smeared ink/lead (especially on my hand) irritates the crap out of me. Another positive about this is I have feedback. You don't get that from a bunch of blank pages in a book…unless your Diddy reads them. Yet another traumatizing experience from my early teenage years that haunts me with PTSD every time I write something personal on a piece of paper, thank you very much. Not repeating that again. *cringes*

So here's to me, full-on. Granted there will be a few directions I plan on taking this blog in…& some I will consider strictly off-limits & won't even acknowledge if asked. Regardless, I hope this blog helps all who reads it. Most importantly, I hope it helps me. I hope I get what I want from it; what I'm looking for. I need to get back that "living that" I lost. There was a video I recently watched that was very enlightening on this. I was randomly searching the internet for something important scrolling through Facebook bored out of my mind when I came across it. If I ever find it again, I'll be sure to share it. It talked about living, especially living for what you want to live for…your dreams. At the end it says, " They say that the average person dies at 25, but they are buried at 75." That's the feeling I have some days…the "going through the motions". That's what I wanna reverse. Welcome to my semi-charmed kinda something…while I try to figure out the world & where my "living" fits into it.